Am I hitting the right button?

 

Bismillahirrahmanirraim…

Again, starting off by saying.. Few weeeks to go before my weds. Sume orang cakap, tak lama lagi tu Dr Hadz.. But honestly, i don’t feel anything near to excited. I dont feel happy, I dont feel like im enjoying all the ‘almost-done’ preparation. NOPE!
Hmmm..kenapa ek? Kenapa makin lama…makin rasa tak kena dengan relationship nih? Is it some kind of dugaan bertunang? Huhu..entahlah=(
Its like…im putting so much effort to ‘like’ him, but end up I feel more annoyed.
I tried to adore and respect him as my future husband. But..hmmmm, why is it such a struggle..
Something, somewhere is just not right..
Ni ke perasaan nye..if things are not halal yet?

Perhaps, YEAH.. Mathurat ke laut, tilawah ke laut…hafalan ke laut.
This is so not me. The fact that I’m shifting out from the RI had conditioned me to be a time-wasting kind of person. No one to interact at home, to chat..to eat together with. It changes me so much! More than I had imagined!
At times, i really miss my jemaah prayers… A LOT!

Nak tulis ape sebenarnya nih?? OMG, OMG, OMG!!
Hadzirah Hamdan…pliss. Luatkan semangat. Kuatkan hti! You can do this… ISTIQAMAH, had! BERJUANG, Had!
Be the best version of a mukmin..

May Allah ease..

 

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Little fight=(

Today, we had a fight…
Its been quite sometimes since i last raised my voice to her. Penat nak gaduh ngan kawan baik sendiri. Rasa dah tak larat. Maybe i demanded too much of her love, time…attention and respect.
Sape tak sayang ngan kawan baik sendiri kan. Tapi…tu, la. Penat bila asyik nk beralah.
Hmmmm…tengok la macam mana kan. Hopefully, things will get better.
Partly, IS my fault. I guess, we are too tired. Physically exausted, mentally drained. Any excess burden seems to be too much to handle.
I want to write this down. Just as self-express. In hope that the heart-ache will ease.

May Allah makes things easy for us..

 

Lompong

Ketika mana kau menampal kelompongan di hatimu dengan manusia…  Kau akan semakin lelah. 

Kau kepenatan, kerana tampalanmu itu lemah dan sentiasa membocor. 

Berulang2 kau menutup lagi. Dan kau mencari manusia itu lagi. 

Barangkali kau lupa tampalan yang paling asli adalah dari Tuhanmu yang mana Merahmati dan Merawati.. 

Dia yang mencukupkan takungan di hatimu… Dan dia yang menampal segala cacat cela.. 

Bahkan segala kesulitan dan kesakitan dalam kau menutup kelompongan di hatimu adalah sekadar utk mengingatkanmu bahawa yang kau perlu cari adalah Dia, Tuhanmu… 

Tiktok.. Tiktok

3 weeks to go.. And suddenly all the likeness I’ve been experiencing,  converted to such an uneasy feelings=(

Maybe… It just normal things to happen.

To you, my dear fiancée..

May this.. Be a blessed journey for us both. Sorry I can’t express the feeling I kept inside. Perhaps.. We can wait for the right moment..

3 weeks to go… And I keep hoping, it’s the right decision that we’ve made!

Rasa hati… 

Something wrong… Somewhere, somehow but I just couldn’t describe.

I told him… I don’t feel good.

And he really acknowledged it!

“I’m calling you, just to let you know that I’m doing fine and nothing to worry about.”

Speechless!

Never in my life, I feel someone do actually pay attention on small things that… Really too small to be bothered=(

And for that… Thanks!! 

What can I say?

What can I say?

Never expect this engagement phase would be the hardest. I loss myself, I loss a best friend of mine… At a time, it was so difficult that I doubt if I’m doing the right decision. Starting to like someone is not easy…especially he’s not yet halal for you.

I want to to this right.

I want to love Allah more.

I want to be guided to HIS path, and live with HIS  blessings.

And I need some help…and lots of DUAs..

Selamat tinggal. . 

​Untuk hari2 yang telah menjadikan kita insan dayus. 

Pengecut

Lembik

Dan keparat. 

Aku sudah tidak mampu menghadapinya lagi dengan jiwa yang melemah… 

Maka aku memilih utk pergi. 

Persetankan semua ini. 

Dan usah kau hadir lagi!